


The Five Stages Of Grief

by cryptidbf



Series: He Left [2]
Category: L.A. Noire
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, feel free to kill me, rating will go up in the next chapter but oh yknow, will add ship and character tags as i go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 20:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14028360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidbf/pseuds/cryptidbf
Summary: He forgets, and then he remembers. Cole’s gone, the spot next to him is empty, and the bed is so fuckingcold.(Or, how Jack Kelso, Stefan Bekowsky, and Roy Earle decide to cope with Cole's death.)





	The Five Stages Of Grief

It’s officially been a month since Cole’s death.

Sometimes, in the dead of night when he’s jolted awake from another flashback and he can’t remember where he is, Jack forgets. He forgets, and then he remembers. Cole’s gone, the spot next to him is empty, and the bed is so fucking  _ cold _ . It was never that cold before. Maybe he’d gotten too used to having another body beside him.  _ I should’ve known better. _ That’s what he keeps telling himself.  _ I should’ve known better. I should’ve. I should’ve, I should’ve, I should’ve. _

It’s not the first time he’s gone and got attached to somebody only to lose them— the honor of that title went to Hank. He supposes, and perhaps this is something of a cruel thought, that he has him to thank for this— for running Cole into his arms and somehow bringing him even more heartbreak from beyond the grave. He knew he was only Cole’s second choice. He was fine with that, until he wasn't. There were a lot of things that had contributed to the break, but that was a pretty big factor in it. He loved Cole, Cole loved Hank more, Hank was gone.

The thing is: Jack knew he was making a mistake by even letting Cole back in, and yet— he did it anyway because  _ goddammit _ , he had never stopped loving him. That pissed him off. Many things did, but that  _ especially _ pissed him off. He should’ve known better. He should’ve slammed the door in his face. He should’ve never opened it in the first place, but— had the door ever really closed? No, it hadn’t. Five, ten, fifteen years could’ve passed, and he would’ve still let him in without a second thought. Jack hates himself for that. Jack hates  _ Cole  _ for that.

Except he doesn’t. He could never hate Cole— the Lord knew that he’d tried and tried and  _ tried _ . He’d come close to it, once. Front page article, his name the headline, and all he could think was:  _ that coward couldn’t even end things with me properly _ . He’d assumed the worse when the letters had stopped in their tracks, but it stung to learn that Cole had just up and moved on without even saying goodbye. Still, even then, he couldn’t bring himself to hate him completely. And he definitely couldn’t bring himself to hate him now, either— Jack considered it pointless to hate a dead man. 

God.  _ Dead _ . He can’t help but blame himself. He had the chance to save him— Cole could’ve still been here with him right now, alive and well and  _ breathing _ , but instead, he was gone. What probably hurt more than knowing that he could’ve done something, though, was that it was Cole’s decision not to take his hand. He’d reached out— then, in a moment that Jack will never forget as long as he lived, something in his eyes shifted and he’d pulled back.  _ Goodbye _ , he had said, voice every bit as broken as it had been after Hank’s death. Maybe that’d been why he’d chosen to pull back. The mere idea of that hurt in more ways than one.

Just like that, he’d lost him. He’d lost him all over again— this time for good. There wouldn’t be another try, another knock at his door in the middle of the night, another  _ I’m sorry _ .  

_ I should’ve known better _ .

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry an ugly bitch like me would've even do this


End file.
